Can Oral Sex Ruin a Relationship?

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If you HATE performing oral sex and your partner LOVES receiving it…are they SO wrong for wanting to step out of the relationship to satisfy themselves OR should they find a NEW relationship all together? This week’s question is an interesting conversation on satisfaction, partnership and agreement in a relationship.

Head vs Heart is a web series where sex expert Shannon gives your questions two diferent answers and the viewers vote on which answer is the better advice.

This week’s question:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years and moved in together a year ago. Everything has been going fine except for one major issue – oral sex! Since we live together

the pressure to do it is non stop, so much so that I don’t even do it at all anymore (and prefer it that way). We still have a decent sex life but the other day he actually asked me if it was okay to hire someone to give him oral sex. I was so disgusted I asked him to leave and am rethinking even being together. What should I do: help him through his sickness or get the hell away from him?

– Dani

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A: Heart

B: Head

A: Get Away

B: Get a Grip

A: Ladies first please. This issue sounds less to me about the oral and more about control, specifically your boyfriend’s desire to control you. When someone obsesses over getting

their way to the point that they make you so uncomfortable you freeze up. And then once they sense how incredibly small they have made you feel – do they come to you with words

or encouragment? Seduction? Apologies? Attempts at healing? No. He comes at you with something to make you feel replacable, cheap and objectified.

B: It’s not that serious

A: Not that serious to be in a relationship, sharing a home with someone who isn’t emotionally mature enough to see that his obsession and relentless pursuit to have his woman

submit – IS the issue?

B: Speaking of submitting, I am pretty sure it’s my turn to talk right? Right? I think you and her are thinking too deep into this. This is simply a man being a simple man.

He enjoys oral sex. I can relate, so do I. To your own omission you don’t like giving it so you don’t do it often and even when you do, you’re probably less than enthusiastic

about it. So it’s been bothering him and he’s been brining it up, probably not in the most finessed way but he’s been letting you know. But it seems like the more he brings it up

the less head he’s getting so in his brain he has done all he can. Next best solution is to hire someone to help out around the house. Not to cheat, go behind your back or force

you but to get you okay to bring in some reinforcements

A: you are really gonna sit there and proclaim it’s all innocent? You think in his mind he really thought suggesting a prostitute would be no different than bringing in Molly

maids to dust the high cabinets? Your reaction of asking him to leave could not have come as a complete surprise if you have been dating for three years which means he knows

you well enough to forsee it would offend you but he did it anyway to send you a message. And I think you need to send a message right back – this is not a dictatorship, it’s

a relationship and when we don’t get our way we don’t lash out or threaten to go outside of the relationship to satisfy self. And if that’s acceptable to him, there is no

relationship. period.

B: 3/5 men site they don’t get enough oral sex. Some are able to go quiet into the night about it, others seek satisfcation. Appreciate that, this may be all that’s going on

no Jedi mind tricks – just a person with a hobby looking for someone who wants to play with them. To me the real question you should be asking is: 1) am I gonna step up my game

2) is it that big of a deal if I let him go elsewhere to do something I don’t wanna do. And p.s. there are ways to make giving oral sex more fun: throat numbing creams,

flavored condoms, food, playing with temperatures, humming, using both hands to minimize how deep you need to go, cornstarch syrup, camera play

Heart: I think she gets the point but I think you are missing the point

Head: cock rings, fluffers, feathers, binding, blindfolds, 69 position